The longer you live here, the more China starts seeping into everything you do. Here are 46 signs that your time in China is changing you.
1. The line between ketchup and marinara has blurred.
2. Cherry tomatoes and canned peaches are starting to look like reasonable birthday cake toppings.
3. Bunny ears, feather masks, and strobe lights are starting to look like reasonable Christmas decorations.
4. You’re truly fine with no ice in your drink.
5. When meeting someone new, you don’t shake hands, and you don’t expect to learn their name or tell them yours.
6. But you will probably add each other on WeChat.
7. Trains make you think of instant noodles.
8. You cringe when you have to walk across carpet in your shoes.
9. When you’re riding inside a vehicle, you have a strong urge to crack open the window “to improve air flow” no matter the weather.
10. Showering at night just seems right.
11. You fill other people’s cups before your own and put food in other people’s dishes.
12. When you’re invited over to someone’s house for dinner, you bring a big bag of fruit.
13. When you go with friends on a short hike, you bring along enough snacks for a week.
14. Tipping seems like a ridiculous concept.
15. So does the practice of buying all your groceries a week at a time.
16. You don’t hug.
17. Seeing a skinned rabbit at the market makes you admire the stall’s impressive selection of meats.
18. Packaged meat and fruit make you suspicious.
19. You do want the fatty meat.
20. And the fish cheek.
21. Umbrellas make you think of sunny days, and sunny days make you think of doing laundry.
22. You know which animal this year is, and you know which one is coming up next, all without checking Baidu.
23. You balk at paying an extra five mao for cabbage.
24. You agree that ping pong is a real sport.
25. Toothpaste flavors back home seem really limited and uncreative.
26. So do pizza toppings.
27. You honestly prefer a squatty in public restrooms.
28. Red beans make you think of dessert; cinnamon makes you think of medicine; dates make you think of soup.
29. You can quickly assess the important differences between three different fake iPhones.
30. You have used the phrase “5000 years of history” in a non-sarcastic way.
31. When the food comes and it looks just like it did in the menu, you’re surprised.
32. During the battle to pay the bill, you know how to fight dirty.
33. You can use red plastic twine to fix just as many things as duct tape.
34. Shanxi and Shaanxi are clearly two different places.
35. When a friend asks if you’re free for lunch a week from today, you think, “How am I supposed to know my schedule that far in advance?”
36. Based only on hearing the name of the province someone is from, you can already accurately guess what ethnicity they are, what language they speak, and how they feel about spicy food.
37. Traveling with a tour group does seem like it would save a lot of mafan.
38. You can’t remember a good English equivalent for mafan.
39. While standing on the bus, you no longer get upset when a stranger leans on you.
40. Sometimes you’re the one leaning.
41 You point to your nose when indicating yourself.
42. You stare at other foreigners.
43. You don’t assume the toddler with a shaved head is a boy.
44. You don’t assume the old man walking down the sidewalk with sparkly Gucci sunglasses and a hot pink shirt is trying to be “flamboyant.”
45. While traveling to a different part of China and someone asks where you’re from, you tell them the name of the province you live in.
46. Because, for at least part of your soul, China is home.
50 Signs You’re an American Expat in China
December 30, 2015 at 2:59 pm
Your blog is, hands down, my favorite blog about China. I have yet to achieve #4, and please, God, no, #37 can NEVER be true!!! #8 happens even when I see other people do it on television. And I have often marveled at how true #5 is, how irrelevant my name is here, and how few names I know. Just the other day I asked a friend what her son’s name was, after meeting them 6 months ago, because I want my children to stop calling him “bad tooth boy” in English (thankfully the family doesn’t understand English). And thank goodness for WeChat! It’s helped me avoid many an awkward situation where an iffy person wanted my contact information. #14 and 15 make me feel like I never want to go to the US again. I would be lost if I had to think more than 12 hours ahead about what food I wanted in the house. Same for #35. I’ve known people who seemed to leave the country without knowing they were going to do it the day before. And I’ve been doing #42 since I got here :-D. And I love #44. I don’t think I can ever leave! Thank you so much for your fantastic blog!
December 30, 2015 at 4:49 pm
BAD TOOTH BOY! Love it. Yup, we’ve had a few nicknames like that for people. But monikers like “that one neighbor’s wife who we always see walking a poodle” get old after a while. I’m so honored that my blog is your favorite China blog. Thank you so much for reading and for commenting!
December 31, 2015 at 6:50 am
I’m a Chinese who has never been to China. This list is funny!
mafan is “troublesome” or “bothersome”.
December 31, 2015 at 7:27 am
Thanks, Kathy! Trouble, bother, hassle, red tape, effort…lots of English words to choose from, but it seems like none of them really capture the full meaning of mafan. I think most expats in China just say “mafan” even when speaking English because it’s a great word!
January 3, 2016 at 8:05 am
Love this!
January 3, 2016 at 7:28 pm
Thanks!
January 11, 2016 at 5:09 pm
This is The Best. Just wait till you move back and try and readapt to your own culture–it’s been 5 years since I came back (I was in Ningxia for 5 years) and I STILL don’t like ice and line dry all my clothes!
Love #35. I had to learn that one the hard way until I realized I could make plans in my head, but shouldn’t make plans with my Chinese friends until the day before. I miss that, actually! Thanks for this;-)
January 11, 2016 at 6:00 pm
I had a friend move back to the States who was pretty shocked to find it was against the rules to line dry her clothes at her apartment complex. Yep, just a wee bit different from China. (P.S. We visited Ningxia a few years back. Loved it!)
January 14, 2016 at 11:56 pm
here’s another one for you: You actually have grown to like the taste of 999 cold medicine 🙂
February 2, 2016 at 9:51 pm
I would add:
A. Longjohns
B. You wake up and say “What should I wear today?” and the answer is always “Whatever I wore yesterday.”
February 3, 2016 at 10:59 am
Haǃ These are great, Ross. And not just any long johns, but fleece/fuzzy lined ones. So much cozier than the wimpy, thin thermals back in the States, IMHO.
June 21, 2016 at 5:00 pm
Wow, thank you for what you’re doing with this awesome blog. I love it! Fun and truthful but POSITIVE.
June 21, 2016 at 7:03 pm
Thanks so much for that encouragement, Brad!
December 3, 2016 at 3:56 am
Oh, I love this. We’ve been home 13 years (cry) and I STILL wish for a public squatty… we still can’t part with using mafan… and a part of us will always live in China 😉
December 3, 2016 at 8:32 am
Thanks, Shannon! It sounds like China has a permanent place in your hearts. 🙂
December 5, 2016 at 8:22 pm
Too funny and yes that’s some essense of living in China.
December 5, 2016 at 10:38 pm
Thanks, Jennifer! I’m glad you enjoyed the post.
December 8, 2016 at 9:37 pm
This is… uncanny.
December 8, 2016 at 10:17 pm
We’re all in the same boat, eh?
December 11, 2016 at 7:20 pm
Lol, I honestly hope that most of this is just tongue-in-cheek
Most of it doesn’t apply to me, though…I spent 5,5 years in China and now in my 6th year in Hong Kong and I’ve only been very mildly “chinalised”
#8 and #27 had been true for me even before I came to China 😉
December 12, 2016 at 11:03 pm
“Chinalised” is a great word! It’s certainly meant as a humorous piece, but I would say a lot of them really do apply to me, like #23 and #35. 😉
June 27, 2018 at 6:46 am
Funny and bloody hilarious
September 20, 2018 at 11:39 pm
Fabulous blog, wonderful post. I just counted more than ten that I am showing signs of… FYI, British English has a pretty good equivalent to “mafan”: faff (faffy, if using an adjective). Still, I use “mafan” a lot when speaking English — who doesn’t!?
October 4, 2018 at 4:52 am
amazing love it I can so relate to this lolololol