All moms struggle with mom guilt, but I think living overseas adds an extra layer of struggle. We get all the normal worries plus fun bonus ones like tropical diseases and second languages. We beat ourselves up for all the ways we feel like we’re failing our kids and families.
Can you relate? If so, I have a fun game for you!
Ready to play? If you have felt bad about any 5 in a row — up/down, across, or diagonal — you get “BINGO!”
Let’s play! (Click to enlarge the bingo card.)
How long did it take you to win??
Hang in there, Mama! Even if you feel like you are doing things wrong, can I tell you something? You are doing a great job. You’re not alone, and your kids are going to turn out just fine. Now go have some of that care package chocolate. I won’t tell the kids.
Why It’s So Hard to Answer the Question, “How Many Times Have You Moved?”
Moms, THIS is Why You Can’t Use the Bathroom in Peace
May 22, 2016 at 10:23 pm
I love you! And I don’t even know you! Thank you so much for this! I wish we were neighbors. The potty training! (We arrived when my boys were 2.5 and STILL not potty trained, and the transition to China did NOT make that happen any faster. I can still remember the humiliation of people pulling back their pants and tsking at me. My daughter wasn’t even 2 when she was potty trained, and I so sanctimoniously thought I’d NEVER have a 3 year old still in diapers. Haha.) The language! We’ve been here 4.5 years now without going home so my kids know none of their family except my sister! The roaches! (Ugh, Sanya is killing me in that department.) The loneliness of my daughter :(. I’ve stopped looking at Instagram and Facebook because it just enhances my guilt. (But I can’t say I miss the birthday party pressure–we’ve gotten to the point where we just set up a table at the playground and hang up some streamers and serve cake to whoever is playing outside then :).) I’d go indulge in some chocolate except I’m having a China-tummy night (la duzi). Thank you so much for this post and every post. Maybe it will take the edge off my guilt for a while. It IS wonderful adventure.
May 23, 2016 at 7:37 am
April! If you’re ever in Kunming, or I’m ever in Sanya, we need to hang out. We can swap war stories! There is just so much to feel bad about, but take heart, my friend. There are loads of moms struggling with all these things. And in China, we ALL struggle with roaches. I hope you recover from la duzi quickly so you can get back to that chocolate.
May 23, 2016 at 10:23 pm
Would it be terrible to volunteer some other ideas for this game? Like, air pollution (obviously not an issue for us in Sanya anymore but it was a constant worry in Tianjin), and not knowing what kinds of dangerous chemicals in food and other things that you might be exposing your kids to and how it will affect their health down the road? And being in a place where there is no hospital or doctor you would trust in an emergency. Just call me Debbie Downer. (I’m still feeling so encouraged by this post, though!)
May 24, 2016 at 8:40 am
There are definitely plenty of things that aren’t included on this bingo card, and you hit on several of them. I don’t think it makes you Debbie Downer. Maybe Rita Realist?? There are just so many things that hum along in the background as underlying worries, or issues we feel guilty about. I think it’s good to bring them up to a conscious level (like in this “game”) because then we realize how much they may have been bothering us.
May 22, 2016 at 10:42 pm
OH, Emily, you outdid yourself on this one! This game should be in the cupboard of every sending group for candidates to play before they go. BUT you have done an amazing momming for Evan and Elsa, and a wonderful wife-ing for Eric. I am SO blessed that you came into his/my/our life! Much love from a Mom who gets it✈️
May 23, 2016 at 7:43 am
Thanks so much for that encouragement!
May 24, 2016 at 9:29 am
Thanks for this. I’m not in China (though I did live there a long time ago) but are living out of our home country. I could tick most of these boxes. I’d add exposure to tropical diseases, more vaccinations than any other child they know and more comfortable in a plane/airport than bus or train and finally child thinks home country is a place to visit and go shopping but has never lived there.
May 24, 2016 at 10:15 am
Those are great additions, Ruth! Yes, yes, yes.
May 25, 2016 at 1:42 pm
On the heels of a week with three hospital visits. Where I ignored my gut feeling that I needed to make the bathroom safer……
A house that isn’t safe
Worry about second hand smoke
Playing with children who have lice but being proud that dirtiness doen’t phase the kid just guilt feelings about getting lice so.often
I could go on. Thank you!
May 25, 2016 at 4:15 pm
Three hospital visits?? So sorry, Laura. Those are all good additions (unfortunately) to the bingo card!
May 25, 2016 at 6:25 pm
Oh blimey I could feel continuously guilty and certainly my younger daughter tries to make me feel this way (she hasn’t really gotten over leaving her best friend behind when we left the UK a year ago, now she is about to say goodbye to one of her new closest friends here….it does break my heart!). But I refuse to feel guilt because I still think the plusses outweigh the negatives in the long run. In the end we will never know how they will turn out but on the other hand we also wouldn’t have known had we NOT moved with them! Ah life is just one big game of parental guilt 🙂
May 25, 2016 at 7:40 pm
When the waves of guilt come, it’s very good to remember all the positives. Thanks, Clara!
May 27, 2016 at 11:50 pm
OMG yes! I love this so much!
Once we moved to the USA, and our kid started in a new school and I asked him if he made friends. “Yes, and there are many other foreigner kids too, like me.”
Me: “Honey, you were born in New York, you also have an American passport….”
May 28, 2016 at 7:24 am
Ha! This is great, Katja. I remember my kids also being amazed that so many people spoke English really well…when we were visiting the U.S.
May 30, 2016 at 4:09 pm
BINGO! Although, my kids are older now, so there’s a different set of issues. Potty training, not such a problem anymore, but I can still relate. 🙂 (My kids are 10, 12, and 16). Add the fact that we’ve lived in places with security issues, so I have guilt about traumatic things they’ve seen or fear that they carry from those things. And just when you think you’re doing pretty well, there’s someone to point out how they think you’re wrong. I just have to laugh! Thanks for sharing this 🙂
May 30, 2016 at 5:42 pm
Security issues. Eek! Talk about guilt! But I think you have the right attitude, and I bet your kids are awesome.
May 30, 2016 at 7:45 pm
You’re awesome!
June 1, 2016 at 7:01 pm
*blush* 🙂